On the run

First run since chemo finished at 29 minutes – exhausted, but happy with that! Also back in the saddle at BOOM Cycle since last week. I’d really like to get my energy levels higher and higher in the coming days and weeks. It looks like my surgery to replace the temporary implant with a permanent one is set for Wednesday, 4th May and I’d like to be in a fit state before having general anesthesia again with the hope that it will speed up recovery afterwards.

My hair seems to still be falling out while growing back in places where I had small bold patches on the side of my head for example. I’ve also started to feel really hot at night and it’s led to restless sleep most nights. I tend to wake up feeling incredibly hot and sweaty on my forehead and chest, I throw the duvet off to cool down and then cover myself again a few seconds later feeling cold. This happens a few times a night. I was starting to get worried and posted my concerns on the MacMillan forum and as usual received comforting responses from the community with many saying that the hot flushes are all part of the effect chemo has on hormones. Chemo can cause a chemical menopause, it can be temporary or in some cases permanent, as  ovaries struggle to produce oestrogen. Someone recommended getting a chillow pillow so I ordered one and it arrived today. Hopefully it’ll help cool down my head at least during the night. I’ve also resumed acupuncture which I think will make a difference with my sleep and the hot flushes.

I also have a follow-up appointment with my oncologist this Thursday to talk about this and I guess to schedule/ get a prescription for tamoxifen which I’ll be starting on at some point after surgery.

Emotionally it’s been a roller coaster these last few weeks. It almost feels like I held it together for so long and kept mentally strong so my body would follow with strength. I guess it worked but I guess also now is the time to really get to grips with what happened and to be kind to myself and process a lot of these feelings which I seem to have locked away for a long time. I spent a lot of time focusing on my body and I need to start clearing my mind to find a bit of peace amongst all the noise.

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